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Kenny Winker Rules

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"Kenny Winker Rules" is the fifth episode of Season 2 and the fifteenth episode of China, IL.

Summary Edit

Kenny Winker visits, the Smiths avenge sorority students, and Pony gets a new "boyfriend."

Plot Edit

Rockstar Kenny Winker gives a performance alongside his bandmates. His song lyrics are condescending toward women, claiming they're sex-craving, and are panned by females watching at Town Bar while the males enjoy them. The Dean plays another song by Kenny, then plans on giving Kenny the keys to the campus during his upcoming visit. The keys are taken by Steve and Frank, who worries due to the Dean's intoxication, so the Dean surrenders them but warns against losing them. A large-scale binge-drinking session follows, with all denizens participating.

The next day, as Pony prepares to travel to attend her sister's wedding, the Smiths realize they abandoned the entrusted keys to the campus at a sorority house. Over the radio, a contest is announced where the winner will get a backstage ticket to a Kenny Winker concert and a free ride on his tour bus. The winner is Baby Cakes, who inadvertently wins when he tries to call tech support for his iPad, but he turns down the ticket, apathetic to his unintentional victory.

The next day, after Pony attends her sister's wedding, she goes to sleep, unaware of something moving in her luggage. the Smiths pay a sorority house a visit and try to reclaim the keys but are turned down by Debra, the head of the sorority, for only wanting to be with the girls for sex during what was supposed to be a study session. She refuses to surrender the keys, even when the Smiths surrender to a blackmail, leaving the Smiths to figure ways to get the keys back. Walking about the campus, meanwhile, Baby Cakes holds his ticket which causes male staff and students to fight each other with hopes to get it.

Returning to China, Pony is greeted by a gargantuan bedbug, the thing that lingered in her luggage the previous night. She sees it biting her as an act of affection, thinking she's finally getting real attention. The following day in the history office, as Pony claims she's found "the one", Baby Cakes retreats here, trying to escape the mob that desperately wants his ticket. He is greeted by Kenny Winker himself, who wants to know more about the man-child's apparent disdain for him, but the mob catches up to Baby Cakes, wanting the ticket before he can destroy it in an attempt to spite the rockstar.

Trying to to retrieve the keys, Frank enters the sorority house and is attacked by its residents, who initially are unsuccessful in defending the keys as he runs through the house, pushing them aside. Just as he spots the keys, he attempts to retrieve them but is tossed out a window and into a tree. Meanwhile, as Pony spends time with the bedbug, Kenny tries to convince Baby Cakes that his music is loved by everyone, no exceptions. Baby Cakes points out that females don't like the rockstar's music, so in an attempt to prove his claim, Kenny plays a sample of his music to a crowd of women. Just like his other songs, this one is condescending toward women, and for this, the women throw food at him in rejection. Realizing Baby Cakes was correct, Kenny desires to be left behind, but Baby Cakes assures him he knows of a way to improve his reputation. Kenny asks Baby Cakes for an idea to get women to like his music and is skeptical when told to make is music more female-friendly.

The Dean walks in on the Smiths in the history office, demanding the keys, so to cover up their true whereabouts, Steve claims they're being polished. With some skepticism, the Dean allows them to return them before Kenny's concert but threatens them once more should this expectation not be met. Meanwhile, unknown to Pony, the roach cheats on her with Crystal. The following day, Kenny and Baby Cakes partake in a walk for breast cancer in an attempt to wean out Kenny's chauvinism. Kenny asks how he'll incorporate this into his music, then is inspired by one of Baby Cakes' nonsensical ideas.

In the history office, Pony introduces the Smiths to bedbug, claiming she's previously done so several times while they ignored. Steve asks about the bug bites all over her, and Pony claims they're signs of love, only to be ignored yet again as Steve informs her about his and Frank's predicament regarding the missing keys. She hears they're setting up a fake identity on a dating website to date Debra and retrieve the keys, noting that he likes eccentric sex toys and planning to make her think the keys will suffice. The Smiths inadvertently send the leader an attachment of them with the bug after it approaches Steve's laptop and activates the camera, thus ruining the ruse. Later, Steve's alternate plan of action is the same as Frank's, complete with the same failed results.

As Kenny and his band prepare for their performance, Pony sees her bedbug get captured by the sorority girls who have the Dean's keys, realizing its infidelity. Frank and Steve arrive and see Pony gas the sorority house with pesticide, causing the sorority girls to panic and exit, allowing Steve a chance to retrieve the stolen keys as the Dean approaches. The bug exits, and Pony tries to kill it but is stopped by the Dean, who intends on using the ax she's using to kill her as part of the consequences for the Smiths not giving the keys back. Just then, Steve breaks out of the sorority home, keys in hand, and the Dean takes them, sparing Pony's life.

With Baby Cakes' help, Kenny performs his new song, which centers around the classical elements of air, earth, fire and water, inspired by Baby Cakes earlier nonsense. To Kenny's dismay, the song destroys his fan base. As the females affected search for the roach, Kenny board his ostentatious tour bus. Now interested, and still bearing his ticket, Baby Cakes plans on boarding it, but the roach steals his ticket and does so instead. Witnessing this, the females chase after the bus while it pulls away in pursuit of the bug. Kenny misinterprets this as a sign that women love his music, then rejects the Dean's keys which are offered as a gift.

Trivia Edit

  • The Garden of Hedon, the name of Kenny's tour bus, is a reference to the biblical place of the Garden of Eden.
    • As shown at the end of the episode, the tour bus can fly.
  • The keys to the campus enable it to fly.
  • This is the first time Stephen appears since "Dean's List". He has apparently regained his sanity following the events of said episode.
  • The number to dial to enter the contest is 1-800-555-1325.
  • Kenny Winker's visit occurs on November 21.
  • Despite calling Pony old in "The Perfect Lecture", Flip Flop sleeps with her while both are drunk in this episode, then evidently enjoys it when the two awake, sober.
  • The sorority's name is Pi Pi Pi (πππ).
  • Yule Log can be seen on a nearby television as the roach bites Pony.
  • In New York, the motel at which Pony stays is called Youth Hostel.
  • Sweater Beard can be seen outside Rib'It, a restaurant Kenny and Baby Cakes dine in.
  • One of the members from Carabas' organization two episodes earlier reappears.
  • The women with whom the roach cheats on Pony:
  • Kenny plays for a different band here than he did in "Prom Face/Off".
  • Baby Cakes destroys his iPad by putting gasoline in it, thinking that's what the speaker jack hole is for. Due to this, he calls tech support and wins the contest after apparently dialing the wrong number. By the end of the episode, his iPad is fixed.
  • The Dean threatens to make the Smiths' worst nightmare come true if the keys are lost; for the professors, it's to have their penises removed. Around the middle of the episode, the Dean struggles to remember it, thinking the nightmare is Pony's death, but when Frank reminds the Dean, he combines the two and nearly makes them reality during the gassing of Pi Pi Pi.
  • Despite scorning Frank for his lustful ways in this episode, Debra evidently is interested in having an affair with him in "Crow College".

Goofs Edit

  • Toward the start of the episode, Jen switches seats and positions as scenes pan in and out.
  • The bite marks on Pony disappear and reappear in certain shots, mainly the scene where she and the Smiths discuss a plan to get the keys back.

Quotes Edit

Flip Flop: Yo shorty, wanna bang one out?
Pony: Ew!

[Pony reveals she will be traveling for a while.]
Steve: We'll miss your asshole—comments, your asshole comments, not—you know what I mean.

Pony: I gotta leave! You gotta leave—forever!

Steve: How did we end up in this bed together like dick-touching Jonas brothers?

Crystal: Guys, I'm trying to give a lecture here!
Matt Attack: You're trying to piss me off.

Golden: Lines are open, as open as it seems my college-age daughter is, judging from her OkCupid profile.

Baby Cakes: AppleCare sucks.

Frank: Steve, you just got out-Steved!

Baby Cakes: [To his ticket] I wish you were never born.

Kenny Winker: Where's that cretin who hates me?
Baby Cakes: I'm that Cretan.

Kenny: It's like I'm Ahab who finally got himself a fat-ass Moby Dick. All right, now, how do we fix my woman-problem?
Baby Cakes: Well, the first thing we gotta do is scrape some of those dicks off your heart and replace them with whatever a woman has downstairs.
Kenny: Well, that's a grand metaphor and all, but how do we do this practically?

Frank: We're not lying assholes; we're front holes; we're the good holes.

Baby Cakes: Never sing to ladies until you've walked a mile in their boobs.

Kenny: Women don't even like shoes!

Steve: I don't give one-fifth of a half-eaten shit about your monsterphilia.

Characters Appearing Edit

Gallery Edit


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