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Do You Know Who You Look Like?

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"Do You Know Who You Look Like?" is the third episode of Season 2 and the thirteenth episode of China, IL.

Summary Edit

Steve regrets hiring a new professor who coincidentally looks just like him, Frank tries to make a pass at another new professor, and Pony is in need of a foreign language course.

Plot Edit

During a staff meeting, it's revealed that two new teachers are hired on campus; one of them is Grace and Carabas, and the second is being waited on. After stepping out, Steve reenters to see that the other new teacher, Carabas, looks almost like him. Behind Carabas' back, Pony asks Steve if he'll fire him simply due to the resemblance, and Steve says in an insincere tone that he won't. Seeing Carabas teach a lesson on aliens, however, triggers Steve's anger. Meanwhile, Pony enters Crystal's Spanish class, needing a foreign language credit. Since she's Mexican, Pony insists she already knows Spanish and requests an easy A, a blackmail rejected by Crystal.

Carabas exits as his lecture ends, only to be confronted by Steve. He insists that he's only angry because of Carabas' teaching material, though others still think that the true anger here is because of the similar looks. Lusting for Grace, meanwhile, Frank approaches her and recites a line he practiced wherein he feigns sympathy for her, thinking she's alone, and will be there for her. Grace proves to be indeed alone, and she invites him over to her house. Elsewhere on campus, as Crystal's class begins, Pony acts as a stereotypical Spanish female. When asked to demonstrate her knowledge, however, Pony confesses that she never learned Spanish and breaks down.

At nightfall, Frank arrives at Grace's house, and it's revealed that the reason she's alone is because she inherited the house following her parents' death. Overloaded by the responsibilities of housekeeping, she puts Frank in charge of caring for her sister, Helen, since he lied about being there for her. Meanwhile at Town Bar, Steve flirts with another woman but finds that he's "reunited" with one of his exes. He discovers that the reason she thinks this is because she went on a date with Carabas and is led astray, thinking he's Carabas.

The following day, Steve enters a bookstore run by Carabas, wherein he finds the store's collection regarding extraterrestrial topics and that Carabas is taking over his class. As Carabas enters, Steve tells him he's firing him and makes a phone call to prove himself, and meanwhile, Helen informs Frank that she and Grace aren't been getting along and consistently fought over their father's love. Wanting her father's attention for herself, Grace gave Helen adverse injuries, leaving her skinless and nearly bald with slurred speech.

At UCI, Steve is arrested by the campus police due to them thinking he's Carabas. Elsewhere, Crystal teaches Pony Spanish à la Helen Keller being taught sign language. Pony finally catches on when Crystal teaches her "water" in Spanish, and she passes Spanish I. Later at Town Bar, Carabas takes Steve's place at his birthday celebration, and the impersonation initially remains undetected Baby Cakes, Pony and Frank. The real Steve makes his appearance, scorning them for being misled, causing them to turn against him for his rudeness.

Seeking revenge against Carabas, Steve sabotages a meeting normally held by Carabas, and the following day, Carabas instantly realizes this when one of his followers brings up something Carabas normally wouldn't do—host the meeting on a different day than usual. Meanwhile, Pony meets up with a gang of Mexican women and tries to make friends with them, as advised by Carabas during "Steve"'s birthday party. Later at night, Carabas catches Steve further trying to brainwash his followers by hosting a book burn. Steve claims to have taken over the store, but as Carabas notes his dislike for the alien topics, Steve reaches his breaking point, finally confessing that his ill-feelings toward Carabas is due to him resembling him.

Also subject to Carabas' suggestion, Frank and Helen engage in sexual activities. Grace arrives, and the conflict between the two sisters resumes, issues stemming from family dysfunction. The fight results in the sisters taking their lives, leaving an enraged Frank with no sexual partner. Enraged at Carabas' suggestions, Pony and Frank enter Carabas' bookstore, angry at Carabas and reconciling with Steve. As a fight between the lookalike professors begins, a third lookalike enters the store and, thus, the fight. A comment from Steve causes his opponents to enter an argument and take each other's lives.

Trivia Edit

  • In Crystal's classroom, a picture of the Rubin vase can be seen.
  • After a mere week, Pony is declared to have passed Spanish I.
  • Running Gag: Baby Cakes making toilet-humor jokes, mainly those involving excrement and water or the lack thereof.
  • At two separate times, Steve brings up the fact that Carabas' facial features are closer together than Steve's are.
  • This episode marks the last time Crystal plays her role as a Spanish professor.

Quotes Edit

Sammy: [Seeing Steve and Carabas] It's like Mary Kate and Ashley all over again.

Pony: Frank, I'm just saying; never tell anyone they look like someone else because it makes them feel less special.
Frank: Whatever, skank.

Baby Cakes: I've tried Spanish once. Man, I was like a fish out of water.
Frank: Dude, your whole life is a fish out of water, all right? Anyway, listen. I got—
Baby Cakes: Speaking of things out of water, have you ever cross a turd out of water? Man, it's terrible! I mean, who came up with putting dookeys in the water—
Frank/Steve/Pony: B.C.!
Baby Cakes: Well whoever it was was fucking genius. Einstein probably.

Kim: [Exiting Carabas' class] Professor Smith? I thought you were just teaching us!
Steve: Kim? I mean, can't you tell he's not me by what he's teaching, at least?
Kim: I don't know; seems pretty interchangeable with whatever you teach.

Steve: I hired you without looking into your credentials, so—
Carabas: I own a progressive-thinking bookstore. How's that for credentials?
[A crowd forms around the professors.]
Carabas: You should come by; catch up.
Steve: Well, you should catch up on spreading your features on all that face you got.
Crowd: Ooooh.

[Steve attacks Carabas.]
Baby Cakes: Come on, guys; don't be turds out of water!
Flip Flop: Ah, yeah! Twin fight! Twins hate being twins, yo.
Steve: No, this is not about us looking alike; I am TOTALLY COOL with that.
Carabas: We are completely different.
Steve: Yeah, we are different. You ain't the boss; I am. You're gonna teach my curriculum, and while you're at it, you're gonna change your clothes.
[The crowd gasps.]
Flip Flop: Oh, I called it! It's about the twin stuff!

Pony: I'm Mexican and I never learned Mexican!

[Steve enters Carabas' bookstore.]
Baby Cakes: Are you the Steve that owns the store, or are you the Steve that owns the college?

Baby Cakes: [To Steve] You and Carabas are just like Dumbledore and Gandalf. First you wanna fight, but pretty soon, you're gonna wanna screw.

Carabas: Persevere, like the cigar-shaped UFO's against the glowing orbs in the sky over Nuremberg in 1561.

Steve: He thinks that aliens started civilization! I mean—
Frank: Dude, who knows? It's just as likely as the shit we teach; I mean, no one knows what the hell ever happened.

Baby Cakes: I've got something I need to put into some water.

Carabas: Get out of my store!
Steve: It's my store; I fucking love it now.
Carabas: I thought you hated ancient astronaut theorists.
Steve: [Groans] All right, it has never been about that! I hate you because you look like me; I am not totally cool with it, all right?

[Frank and Helen are having sex.]
Grace: Helen! Stealin' all the attention, once again!
Helen: One must steal all they can get livin' with you!

Frank: Whichever one of you is Steve, kill the other one!
Carabas: This town isn't big enough for two of us.
Steve: Your features aren't big enough for your face.

[Steve, Carabas and an unnamed lookalike prepare to fight.]
Steve: Hey, new guy, I think you look more like Carabas there than you do me.
Unnamed Man: Fuck off; I'm way hotter!
Carabas: I look nothing like him! I am special!
Unnamed Man/Carabas: No one is like me!
[The unnamed man drags himself and Carabas into a fireplace.]
Steve: Yes! Last of the Mohicans!

Characters Appearing Edit

Gallery Edit

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