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Crow College

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"Crow College" is the fourth episode of Season 3 and the twenty-fourth episode of China, IL.

Summary Edit

The Dean enrolls a murder of crows at UCI as new students while Frank intrudes on Stacy Megan and Billy's relationship.

Plot Edit


Frank wonders about Stacy's intentions.

Reading a paper issue, the Dean learns crows have the intelligence of a typical four-year-old. That night, Frank plays a game with couple Stacy Megan and Billy, then notices Stacy place her hand on his arm while Billy leaves for the restroom despite her being in a relationship. The following day, the Dean introduces crows into each of the professors' classes, regardless of what anyone has to say.

Unsure about whether or not Stacy wants an affair, Frank plans to post a personal ad in a paper she frequently reads, instructing her to bring up the name of a now-obscure movie in the hopes of knowing her intentions. Meanwhile, the crows demonstrate their intelligence by constructing a plane model similar to one Amelia Earhart used. Later, Frank gathers at Stacy and Billy's, where the couple discuss plans for a movie. Listing the movies she has, Stacy happens to say the movie Frank had in his ad, leading him to wonder even more what she's trying to say.


The crows demonstrate their intelligence.

During Steve's class the following day, the crows bring in the corpse of Amelia Earhart, despite her whereabouts at the time of death being unknown. After the lecture, Steve and Pony discover the crows are replacing the professors in teaching the students due to the crows' intelligence. Meanwhile, Frank makes another personal ad directed at Stacy, this time instructing her to say a phrase he thinks no one will ever say. Instead, Stacy utters this verbatim in casual conversation, leaving Frank frustrated once again.


Frank causes tension between Billy and Stacy.

The staff try to rid the campus of the crows, but all of their attempts end in failure. Meanwhile, Frank tells Billy and Stacy in a straightforward fashion that he wants to slit the former's throat and have sex with the latter, assuming Stacy indeed does want an affair. Upon seeing Stacy's confusion, Frank brings up the incident wherein she groped his arm, leading Billy to question this, and Stacy claims she will do this to anyone. A frustrated Billy misinterprets her assertion, and a comment from Frank finally drives Stacy away from the two.


The professors end the crows' reign.

After noticing the crows' enjoyment of construction, Steve shows them blueprints, which lead the crows to building a Rube Goldberg machine that traps them in a cage, and they are then shot by the professors.

Trivia Edit

  • Yearbook superlatives:
    • Hoh-Hoh: hairiest back
    • Frank: most likely to not have any friends
    • Cravid: lowest self-confidence
    • An unnamed cheerleader: least cheerful
    • Steve: most likely to not give a [shit]
    • Baby Cakes: most thoughtful.
  • In a minor subplot, Baby Cakes proves he is indeed thoughtful by uttering out loud what goes through his mind. The end of the episode reveals this happens as he gets sidetracked while signing Pony's yearbook. In total, this subplot takes up about three minutes and seven seconds; of this time, approximately twenty-one seconds were spent by Baby Cakes drinking a soda.
    • This subplot is similar to one in "Displays of Manhood", when Steve spends most of his screen time listing his list of sexual experiences before his date abandons him.
  • Baby Cakes claims heaven is "full of those types of guys that obsess over the backs of baseball cards," when in "Coming Out of the Casket", he claimed only Jesus Christ and Old Yeller resided in heaven.
  • The Dean can be seen burning money in a fireplace.
  • Adult Swim's closed captioning spells Stacy Megan as Stacey, though it was shown as Stacy in "Dream Reamer" outside of the closed captioning.
  • The relationship between Billy and Stacy Megan is never brought up again after this episode.
  • The crows were able to find Amelia Earhart's corpse despite her location at the time of her death being unknown.
  • Debra is evidently interested in having an affair with Frank. In "Kenny Winker Rules", she despised Frank for his lustful nature.
  • The layout of the Scrabble board used is different from the one in real life.
  • Two of the crows are named; one is named Donny, and the other Mimev.
  • The Dean's office tower contains eleven floors.
  • Among the movies Stacy has are Roman Holiday, Stand by Me and Mississippi Burning, the last one being the name of the movie Frank used in his ad.
  • In Frank's second ad, he instructs Stacy to say, "The blacks were wrong," if she wants an affair. She says this when talking about her neighbors, thinking they were wrong in not shoveling the walkway on what's technically their property.
  • As opposed to most episodes, Crystal calls Steve Steve and not Steven.
  • Running Gags:
    • As a result of Frank's first ad, people mention the film Mississippi Burning to the people with whom they want an affair. The people who do this:
      • Stacy Megan to Billy and Frank
        • This instance is the only time Mississippi Burning is mentioned by someone who was not seeking an affair, as well as the only time it is said to multiple people at once. Stacy Megan mentions it when listing the movies she has.
      • Debra to Frank
      • Sammy to Frank
      • A crow to Pony
        • This is the only instance where the movie title was not said to Frank.
    • Frank using the word bush, mainly when referring to Pony.
    • Steve mentioning his tennis lessons and his tennis coach, thinking of her as attractive.
  • The attempts at ridding the crows:
    • Pony tells them that working at UCI will ruin their chance at getting published, but a crow brings up a news article claiming a crow landed a book deal.
    • Steve disguises himself as an owl in an attempt to scare them; instead, the crows attack him.
    • As suggested by Leonard, Cravid removes the door knob from the door leading to the teacher lounge, trapping the crows inside and eventually leading to starvation. Instead, the crows use a makeshift doorknob—a knife and stapler—to free themselves.
    • Steve shows the crows blueprints, and when the crows follow them, they build a Rube Goldberg machine that traps them, allowing the professors to shoot them.
      • The Dean claims he told the crows to trap the professors and shoot them instead, but according to the Dean, the crows were reluctant to comply.

Quotes Edit

[Pony and Steve look through the school yearbook.]
Steve: See that girl right there? That's a student body.
Pony: Jeez.

Frank: I have been hanging out quite a lot with my friends Transfer Billy and Stacy Megan. Yeah, and it's great.
Pony: It's a lie is what it is.
Frank: You're a bush is what you is—are.

Stacy Megan: I like to read the personal ads—they're charming.
Billy: Speaking of charming, I gotta piss.

Steve: [To his class] Sign the yearbooks later—
[No one complies.]
Steve: —or now.

Baby Cakes: When everyone got showers in their home, I bet this is what caused the "Sexual Revolution." First, daily showers, then privates went into the nearest mouths, now butt holes are getting jealous of the Christmas kisses.

Baby Cakes: If there's a stairway to heaven, it must be invisible; otherwise, I bet a lot of people up there would be coming down to explain everything to their non-dead friends.

[The crows find the body of Amelia Earhart.]
Steve: I guess they're smarter than four-year-olds now.

The Dean: Steve! Girl!

Debra: Have you seen Mississippi Burning?
Frank: Fuck off!

Cravid: Just like in every movie ever made: the guy who doesn't give a shit at first is best at giving the biggest kind of shit in the end.
Crystal: Please, Steve, please. I hate to say it, but none of us can make a thing happen like you. When you want a girl, you get her, so get our jobs!

Steve: Fuck those crows—the school is ours.
[As the crowd barring Sammy and Frank cheers, Sammy approaches Frank.]
Sammy: Say, Franklin, have you ever seen that Mississippi Burning?
Frank: [Groans] It wasn't meant for you.

Crow: Mississippi Burning?
Pony: Ugh!

[Steve disguises himself as an owl in an attempt to scare the crows.]
Cravid: Go in there and start shaking around and screaming—they'll hate it; then, you can just leave—like a father.

Leonard: Has anyone seen my son?

Characters Appearing Edit

Gallery Edit

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