"Crow College" is the fourth episode of Season 3 and the twenty-fourth episode of China, IL.
Reading a paper issue, the Dean learns crows have the intelligence of a typical four-year-old. That night, Frank plays a game with couple Stacy Megan and Billy, then notices Stacy place her hand on his arm while Billy leaves for the restroom. The following day, the Dean introduces crows into each of the professors' classes, regardless of any potential objections as Frank posts a personal ad, which instructs Stacy to mention the title of a now-obscure movie, in a paper Stacy often reads in order to ascertain more information about the student's intentions.
Frank gathers at Stacy and Billy's, where the couple discuss plans for a movie. Stacy, listing the movies she has, happens to list the movie from Frank's ad, leaving Frank more confused about Stacy's intentions. Later, Steve and Pony discover that the crows, because of their intelligence, which proves to far surpass that of a typical four-year-old, are replacing the professors. Meanwhile, Frank makes another personal ad directed at Stacy, instructing her to say a phrase that he thinks no one will ever say. Instead, Stacy utters the phrase verbatim in casual conversation, leaving Frank frustrated once again as the rest of the staff try fruitlessly to rid the campus of the crows.
Still confused at Stacy's intentions after being completely honest to the young couple, Frank brings up the incident during which Stacy groped his arm. Billy questions the incident, and Stacy claims that she will grope anyone's arm. A frustrated Billy misinterprets her assertion, and a comment from Frank drives Stacy away from the two as Steve notices the crows' enjoyment of construction. Taking advantage of the crows' hobby, Steve shows the crows blueprints, which leads to the crows building a Rube Goldberg machine that traps the crows in the cage, at which point the professors kill the crows.
- Yearbook superlatives:
- In a minor subplot, Baby Cakes demonstrates his title by uttering out loud what goes through his mind. The end of the episode reveals Baby Cakes' utterance happens as he gets sidetracked while signing Pony's yearbook.
- Baby Cakes conjectures heaven is "full of those types of guys that obsess over the backs of baseball cards" despite conjecturing in "Coming Out of the Casket" that only Jesus Christ and Old Yeller reside in heaven.
- Adult Swim's closed captioning spells Stacy Megan as Stacey, though it was shown as Stacy in "Dream Reamer" outside of the closed captioning.
- Debra is evidently interested in having an affair with Frank even though in "Kenny Winker Rules", Debra despises Frank for his lustful nature.
- In Frank's second ad, Frank instructs Stacy to say, "The blacks were wrong," if she wants an affair. Stacy says the line verbatim when talking about her neighbors, whose last names are Black, thinking they were wrong in not shoveling the walkway on what is legally their property.
- As opposed to most episodes, Crystal calls Steve Steve and not Steven.
- Although this episode aired fourth in Season 3, this episode was the penultimate episode in terms of production order, ahead of "Gummie World".
- The crows demonstrate their intelligence by building a model airplane and finding Amelia Earhart's corpse despite Earhart's location at the time of her death remaining unknown.
Running Gags Edit
- As a result of Frank's first ad, people mention the film Mississippi Burning to the people with whom they want an affair.
- Frank uses the word bush, mainly when referring to Pony.
- Steve mentions his tennis lessons and his tennis coach, thinking of her as attractive.
Attempts at Ridding the Crows Edit
- Pony tells the crows that working at UCI will ruin their chance at getting published, but a crow brings up a news article claiming a crow landed a book deal.
- Steve disguises himself as an owl in an attempt to scare the crows; instead, the crows attack him.
- As suggested by Leonard, Cravid removes the door knob from the door leading to the teacher lounge, trapping the crows inside the room to theoretically force the crows into starvation. Instead, the crows use a makeshift doorknob consisting of a knife and a stapler to free themselves.
- Steve shows the crows blueprints, and when the crows follow them, they build a Rube Goldberg machine that traps them, allowing the professors to shoot them.
- [Pony and Steve look through the school yearbook.]
- Steve: See that girl right there? That's a student body.
- Pony: Jeez.
- Frank: I have been hanging out quite a lot with my friends Transfer Billy and Stacy Megan. Yeah, and it's great.
- Pony: It's a lie is what it is.
- Frank: You're a bush is what you is—are.
- Stacy Megan: I like to read the personal ads—they're charming.
- Billy: Speaking of charming, I gotta piss.
- Steve: [To his class] Sign the yearbooks later—
- [No one complies.]
- Steve: —or now.
- Baby Cakes: When everyone got showers in their home, I bet this is what caused the "Sexual Revolution." First, daily showers, then privates went into the nearest mouths, now butt holes are getting jealous of the Christmas kisses.
- Baby Cakes: If there's a stairway to heaven, it must be invisible; otherwise, I bet a lot of people up there would be coming down to explain everything to their non-dead friends.
- [The crows find the body of Amelia Earhart.]
- Steve: I guess they're smarter than four-year-olds now.
- The Dean: Steve! Girl!
- Debra: Have you seen Mississippi Burning?
- Frank: Fuck off!
- Cravid: Just like in every movie ever made: the guy who doesn't give a shit at first is best at giving the biggest kind of shit in the end.
- Crystal: Please, Steve, please. I hate to say it, but none of us can make a thing happen like you. When you want a girl, you get her, so get our jobs!
- Steve: Fuck those crows; the school is ours.
- [As the crowd barring Sammy and Frank cheers, Sammy approaches Frank.]
- Sammy: Say, Franklin, have you ever seen that Mississippi Burning?
- Frank: [Groans] It wasn't meant for you.
- Crow: Mississippi Burning?
- Pony: Ugh!
- [Steve disguises himself as an owl in an attempt to scare the crows.]
- Cravid: Go in there and start shaking around and screaming; they'll hate it. Then you can just leave—like a father.
- Leonard: Has anyone seen my son?
Characters Appearing Edit
- Amelia Earhart
- Baby Cakes
- Flip Flop
- God (mentioned)
- Ron Ron
- Stacy Megan
- The Dean
- The Dean's Assistant
|Pilots||"China, IL: The Funeral" • Unaired Pilot|
|Season 1||"Rewind, Pause, Pay!" • "Dean vs. Mayor" • "Baby Boom" • "Coming Out of the Casket" • "Secret Society" • "Prom Face/Off" • "Frankensteve" • "Chinese New Year" • "Dream Reamer" • "Dean's List"|
|Season 2||"The Perfect Lecture" • "Is College Worth It?" • "Do You Know Who You Look Like?" • "The Diamond Castle" • "Kenny Winker Rules" • "China-Man Begins" • "Total Validation" • "Surfer God" • "Prank Week" • "Wild Hogs"|
|Season 3||"A Gentleman's Bet" • "Best Face Forward" • "Charlize" • "Crow College" • "Bi-Topping-Ality" • "Parent's Day" • "Displays of Manhood" • "Life Coaches" • "Gummie World" • "Magical Pet"|