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"China-Man Begins" is the sixth episode of Season 2 and the sixteenth episode of China, IL.
Feeling a decrease in town morality, Golden speaks ill of the town, but a violent protest from the Mayor switches this and results in Channel 8 News gaining a new program—Person of the Day—to highlight the morality in town. Frank, seeing this, becomes eager to become the next Person of the Day, then takes notice of Steve and Pony trading food and thinks they're a couple. While Pony denies this, Frank remains suspicious, and the following day, Steve and Pony find out that a lot of people on campus think they're a couple. Frank sends Golden a video request to be Person of the Day, then gets a call asking for a visit to his house.
Watching TV, Baby Cakes is aroused by Chick-It Nuggets' commercial due to it featuring a female model dressed in revealing clothing. Muscle spasms occur, and he claims to be getting "edgy" every time it comes on. His father gives him a pornographic magazine to help with his arousal, but when Baby Cakes glances at it, he experiences even more arousal despite not knowing how to deal with it. Meanwhile, Golden meets with Frank, and to see if he's cut out for Person of the Day, he makes sure Frank can do anything he said he could do in his attempts to gain his attention. He has Frank massage his acne-ridden back, then lick the resulting pus-blood mixture, but the following day, Frank finds that Golden isn't crowning him Person of the Day despite his effort. Thinking that Golden is a cat person, since Sammy earned the title simply for having cats, Frank arrives with two white tigers in an attempt to impress Golden, but the duo run amok when released.
Baby Cakes continues having sexual arousal, once due to another Chick-It Nuggets commercial and another time due to the pornography Leonard gave him. Remembering an earlier suggestion from the man-child, Frank pays him a visit, asking how he can become a superhero to earn the coveted title. Baby Cakes shows Frank several costume ideas, but as he makes the costume Frank picks, he becomes aroused by the arousing magazine and jumps out the window, leaving the costume unfinished. Entering the room, Frank assumes it's the finished product and grabs it.
At a party, Steve and Pony attempt to form relationships with two of the attendees, but their respective "crushes" refuse, thinking they're a couple. Any of their attempts to disprove the relationship prove futile, and meanwhile, Baby Cakes' arousal results in him rubbing his hands on various objects, such as a lamp post and a garden hose. The following day, Baby Cakes awakens on the side of a street, and two window washers' lives are endangered when a wire suspending their platform snaps. Frank arrives in his costume and is oblivious to his surroundings and what he's supposed to do. His attempts to save them only injure them, and as he attempts to lift them, he instead drops them.
The next day, Pony plans on her and Steve convincing the campus they hate each other. While Steve is hesitant, Pony insists they follow through as the injured window washers resume their jobs. Frank breaks the window and "saves" them by endangering their lives. After breaking the window and the platform they're on, Frank tries to "rescue" them but insists on getting his cell phone out so he can capture evidence. While Frank answers a call before capturing the evidence, the window washers fall.
Later at night, Baby Cakes and Frank see a news report in which Steve is preparing to light Pony on fire. Preparing for this, Steve and Pony declare their "hatred" for each other, and Frank plans on stopping this, thinking he'll become Person of the Day and earn attention for it. Baby Cakes becomes aroused when he sees Pony's shirt drenched in gasoline, and he takes gargantuan leaps to Pony's whereabouts, planning to shake her. Frank arrives and tries to "save" his friends, but Baby Cakes arrives as well, capturing Pony and climbing a building. As Frank tries to escort Steve away and have him arrested, Steve calls attention to Pony, causing the crowd to think once more that he loves her. An attempt to refute this does no help, and an enraged Steve punches Frank and goes after Pony.
As Baby Cakes further ascends the building, Frank's identity is revealed, and Steve tries to stop the man-child. Baby Cakes explains that he's aroused, and Steve suggests masturbating. Putting down Pony, Baby Cakes complies and is thrilled, and as Steve and Pony embrace, they reinforce the idea that they're a couple as the crowd watches. Golden claims there truly are good people in China and awards Steve and Pony the title of "Persons" of the Day due to their "love" for each other, resulting in more futile attempts from them to deny their alleged crushes on each other.
- While in his costume, Frank earns the nickname of China-Man, explaining the name of the episode.
- Running Gag: Baby Cakes asking how one fucks himself, not knowing its idiomatic meaning.
- Baby Cakes capturing Pony and climbing a skyscraper is a reference to King Kong.
- One member in the crowd develops an erection when Steve tries to refute his "love" for Pony.
- One of the tigers' names is a reference to the beverage 7 Up.
- Shasta dies after being run over by Falgot, while 7 Up remains alive, causing two deaths.
- The magazine Leonard gives his son is titled Hassler, a parody of the Hustler magazine.
- The people who make Person of the Day:
- Falgot, for no reason in particular
- Sammy, simply for owning cats
- Falgot again, for running over Shasta
- Steve and Pony, for their alleged love for each other
- At the start of the episode, Frank wagers everyone a plate of cheese sticks on if he'll wind up as Person of the Day. Flip Flop mentions holding him to his word and does so by bringing this up at the end, when Frank is arrested, to Frank's dismay.
- Falgot: [About Person of the Day] The hell is this?
- Frank: Go fuck yourself.
- Baby Cakes: How does one fuck themself?
- [Pony denies that she and Steve are a couple.]
- Frank: Denying it just makes it more obvious.
- Steve: Just like denying you'll never be a Person of Anyone's Day is obviously sad.
- Baby Cakes: So many feelings—I don't know what these feelings want from me!
- Steve: I wouldn't touch Pony with a ten-foot dick.
- Steve: I do not love Pony! I love screwing everything that isn't Pony!
- Baby Cakes: Your magazine? It's a—it's a bitch, man.
- Baby Cakes: [Shaking Pony] This feels right—for some reason.
- Pony: Fucking stop it, you idiot!
- Steve: Baby Cakes, sometimes when a man has feeling for a woman—
- Baby Cakes: I don't understand!
- Leonard: There's no room for error with this kid.
- Baby Cakes: [Masturbating] That's why you live!
- Flip Flop: What about them cheese-sticks?
- Frank: [Groaning] I'm flunking you!
Characters Appearing Edit
- Anne Hong
- Baby Cakes
- Chinese Precious
- Flip Flop
- Shasta & 7 Up
- Sweater Beard
- The Dean
- The Dean's Assistant
- The Mayor
- Trouble Bubble
|"Kenny Winker Rules"||"Total Validation"|
|Pilots||"China, IL: The Funeral" • Unaired Pilot|
|Season 1||"Rewind, Pause, Pay!" • "Dean vs. Mayor" • "Baby Boom" • "Coming Out of the Casket" • "Secret Society" • "Prom Face/Off" • "Frankensteve" • "Chinese New Year" • "Dream Reamer" • "Dean's List"|
|Season 2||"The Perfect Lecture" • "Is College Worth It?" • "Do You Know Who You Look Like?" • "The Diamond Castle" • "Kenny Winker Rules" • "China-Man Begins" • "Total Validation" • "Surfer God" • "Prank Week" • "Wild Hogs"|
|Season 3||"A Gentleman's Bet" • "Best Face Forward" • "Charlize" • "Crow College" • "Bi-Topping-Ality" • "Parent's Day" • "Displays of Manhood" • "Life Coaches" • "Gummie World" • "Magical Pet"|