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"Best Face Forward" is the second episode of Season 3 and the twenty-second episode of China, IL.
Frank's anus learns to speak and becomes a world-famous stand-up comedian as Steve abuses a "code word" between fellow males and has to accept consequences, and Pony obsesses over a secret involving Matt and Flip Flop.
On campus, Steve asks Matt for more detail about an alleged incident between him and Flip Flop. After discussing the incident, Matt asks Steve not to tell Pony, claiming she will spread the word, only for Steve to tell her anyway when Matt leaves. Steve includes the fact that Matt asked him to keep this a secret from her, and Pony is more concerned with Matt's request rather than the incident itself. Despite already knowing the "secret," Pony vows to hear it first-hand from Matt, claiming she can keep secrets.
Meanwhile, Frank's anus begins talking on its own, making Frank's class laugh as the derriere tells jokes. Meanwhile, at the cafeteria, Steve gets a free lunch when he addresses the cashier him as his "brother." The cashier encourages Steve to call any male his brother and see its benefits, and when Steve complies, he gets anything he wants.
The following day, Pony begins shouting at Matt demanding to know why he didn't directly tell her and insisting to hear it directly from him. Instead, he storms away from her, Pony still demanding to hear what she already knows. Meanwhile, Steve learns he has to return the favor for those whom he addresses as his brother as Frank's anus begins to completely take over its owner's entire body.
The next day, as Steve continues paying his debts to his brothers, a policeman who help Steve makes a request—Steve has to aid the murder of the policeman's wife. Elsewhere, Frank's derriere rejects Frank's suggestion that it take a break from all the stand-up comedy. When Frank claims said comedy is taking him over, Frank's anus takes complete control of his body. Witnessing this, Baby Cakes searches for information about this takeover—"Succubut," as the research materials call it—and a remedy for it.
When confronted by Pony at Town Bar, Steve instead tells about his conundrum involving the police. Steve rejects Pony's advice to refuse to help the policeman, thinking he'll murder him should he refuse. Pony unsuccessfully attempts to get Flip Flop to coax Matt into telling the "secret" directly to her, instead making Flip Flop think the secret is a big deal despite Matt stating previously it isn't.
Arriving at Franks apartment, Baby Cakes prepares to cease Succubut. After reciting a spell breaker, Baby Cakes attempts to wedge a cross into Frank's anus, but Frank's body prevents such from happening. Frank's buttocks receive a call from HBO, and he then plans on starring in a comedy special for the network.
Concurrently, Steve and the officer enter the latter's house, where the officer begins fighting with his wife. Steve tries to help the officer, but the officer's wife punches Steve and runs away from the conflict. Upon instruction from the officer, Steve waits outside, crying as the officer murders his wife.
Backstage at HBO Headquarters, Frank's anus prepares for its television appearance, Frank giving into his derriere's demands. Meanwhile, while burying the officer's wife, Steve gets a call—Pony demands again that he pressure Matt into telling her the secret she already knows. To do this, Steve asks for the officer's help; the officer takes Matt to the police station, where the officer tries to pressure Matt into telling Pony but discloses Pony's intention by revealing too much information about the secret. Angered by this, Steve makes known the fact that the officer killed his wife, getting the officer arrested. As a last resort, Pony begs Matt once more to be told the so-called secret, but Matt still refuses.
During Frank's anus' television performance, Baby Cakes successfully forces the cross into Frank's derriere. As a result, the parasite responsible forces its way up Frank's digestive tract; the parasite is a tapeworm version of Jerry Seinfeld.
- Pony: You know, he told me that he jacked off six times yesterday. Why do I need to know that?
- Matt: Why do I need to know that?
- [Steve enters.]
- Flip Flop: 'Sup, brother?
- Steve: No, don't say "brother," all right? That's just gross.
- Frank: [Being half-naked as part of the setup to a joke] What do horses eat?
- [Frank farts in such a way as if to say, "Hay!"]
- Frank: [Thinking of farts that sound like words] I can sort of say "suppertime," but—it's messy.
- Flip Flop: Yo! You know I wanna call you "brother," dawg, but I'll just say, "Peace!"
- Frank's Anus: So I'm Frank's better half. But, you know, now that I say that, it makes us sound like a married couple and, come on, do you really think I'd marry down like that?
- [Everyone in class laughs.]
- Pony: You're gonna tell me your secret that I already know!
- Frank's Anus: Reciting IMDb is not a conversation.
- Baby Cakes: [About to read a book concerning Frank's anus] I hope this isn't what I think it is. No! How could this have ever been what I thought it was?
- [Pony makes it seem to Flip Flop that Matt thinks the incident involving their penises is a big deal.]
- Flip Flop: Whoa, Matt think's it's a big deal?
- Pony: Probably, but he should tell me the secret, then I could tell him that you don't it was a big deal! So tell him to tell me, you moron!
- Flip Flop: [Overwhelmed] I gotta get outta town for like a week or two. Peace!
- Frank's Anus: Who throws water? Fucking seriously!
- [The policeman and Steve near the former's house, ready to kill the former's wife.]
- Steve: I can't do this. I can't help you kill your wife; man, I can't hurt a woman.
- Officer: Who said my wife was a woman?
- Baby Cakes: TV execs are weird.
- Frank's Anus: I'm a sensitive dick, which—you know what that means: premature ejaculations.
- Lester Coin: [During the Succubut] That's not HBO.
Characters Appearing Edit
- Anne Hong
- Baby Cakes
- Benjamin Franklin
- Debbie Johns
- Debra Bowl
- Flip Flop
- Food Clerk
- Jerry Seinfeld
- Lester Coin
- Officer Jacobson
- Stacy Megan
- White Angus
|"A Gentleman's Bet"||"Charlize"|
|Pilots||"China, IL: The Funeral" • Unaired Pilot|
|Season 1||"Rewind, Pause, Pay!" • "Dean vs. Mayor" • "Baby Boom" • "Coming Out of the Casket" • "Secret Society" • "Prom Face/Off" • "Frankensteve" • "Chinese New Year" • "Dream Reamer" • "Dean's List"|
|Season 2||"The Perfect Lecture" • "Is College Worth It?" • "Do You Know Who You Look Like?" • "The Diamond Castle" • "Kenny Winker Rules" • "China-Man Begins" • "Total Validation" • "Surfer God" • "Prank Week" • "Wild Hogs"|
|Season 3||"A Gentleman's Bet" • "Best Face Forward" • "Charlize" • "Crow College" • "Bi-Topping-Ality" • "Parent's Day" • "Displays of Manhood" • "Life Coaches" • "Gummie World" • "Magical Pet"|