"Baby Boom" is the third episode of Season 1 and the third episode of China, IL.

Summary Edit

An accident in the science lab creates a gigantic baby the campus must care for while Frank goes to great lengths to escape debt.

Plot Edit


The giant baby is born.

Leonard and another worker start kissing in a laboratory, accidentally spilling growth hormone into a Petri dish. A gargantuan baby results, and as it grows, it damages buildings and kills people nearby. Later, a report of this incident are shown on the news, which is seen by the students and staff, causing a fight over the fate of the baby. Ultimately, the Dean lets the baby live but holds Leonard responsible for its caretaking as he leaves for a vacation.

Large machines and platforms are assembled around the baby to aid in his caretaking, and the students and staff feed and clean the baby. At nighttime, unknown to the others, Frank extracts blood from the baby, hoping to make money by donating the blood. The day after, Crystal encourages Steve to kill the baby, but Steve claims they just need more help to take care of him, then ponders on Frank's whereabouts. At a blood bank, meanwhile, Frank donates the blood as he planned and pockets the cash.

One month after the baby's creation and following a near-death experience with it, Steve calls for a meeting with much of the staff. As they discuss plans to kill the baby, Frank's blood donations are rejected when his scheme of using baby blood is discovered due to this going against the blood bank's protocol. During Frank's grieving, Steve is told that he is the father of the baby due to his donated sperm being in the Petri dish at the time of the baby's creation. As Frank's riches dwindle due to his money source being forbidden, he pursues to kill the baby. Later at night, Steve tells the baby he won't kill him, but Frank arrives, eager to kill the baby.


The staff discuss plans to mercy-kill the baby.

Following a fight between the Smiths, Leonard asks for Steve's permission to administer a shrink serum to the baby. Steve consents, but when the shot is given, the baby instead grows even larger and ages while it destroys nearby buildings and causes turmoil. Since the giant is now aged to an adult, Frank gets the idea to extract more of its blood since it technically counts as adult blood and conforms with the blood bank's policies. The transition of the baby plagues it with many health diseases, and the staff consider mercy killing since it's too large to feed and medicate. With most of the campus aside from the Cakeses and Frank supporting this, the execution occurs.

Trivia Edit

  • This episode marks Sammy's first appearance.
  • The license plate on Frank's new car reads "BLDMONY", which is "blood money" with certain letters omitted.
  • At one point, Steve acts and dresses like Mary Poppins.
  • Among the pseudo-human creatures Leonard introduced are Hair Kid, Bowl of Face, Finger Guy, and Sanford's Beard Baby. Finger Guy later appears in "Frankensteve".
  • Despite being male, Sanford breastfeeds his newborn baby.
  • According to a news banner on Channel 3 News, the baby's growth from sperm to fetus kills 357 people. However, Golden estimates the death toll to be 500. Later in the episode, weeks after the baby's birth, Steve claims that the baby killed thousands.
  • The news banner also mentions that television host Jackie Lather is claimed to have been abducted, and rock star Kenny Winker is claimed to have fired his manager.
  • As the Dean questions the Super Science department, a person walks despite having lost his or her upper body.
  • The thermometer used to measure the baby's temperature is in degrees Celsius despite the show's taking place in the United States. In addition, the baby's temperature is just above the normal 37 degrees Celsius.
  • The crew from the History Channel at the start of the episode mention a Ronald Reagan TV special.
  • The Dean mentions at the start of the episode that he is going to the beach for vacation. In the middle of the episode, a news banner implies that the Dean led a drunken riot at Barbados, noting a "white-haired athletic tourist" is behind it.

Quotes Edit

Frank: We're gonna be on the History Channel! We are Cinderellas!

Golden: Here at the University of China, IL, the destruction is Biblical, and I mean Old-ass Testament.

The Mayor: School made that baby; school deal with it! Amen!

Baby Cakes: Listen up: I started out as a baby on this campus, too, and I'm now me. That baby is flesh and blood—that's got to have value, or else nothing does.

The Dean: I got a beach to screw!

Crystal: Steven, last I checked, we were professors, not crap shepherds.
Steve: It's kind of the same thing.

Falgot: Damn babies should wait in the womb until they're adults.

Frank: I wanna kill [the baby] now!
Steve: I wanna love it now!

Baby Cakes: [As the baby grows larger] They grow up so fast.

The Dean: Order! Order in this damn courtroom!

Characters Appearing Edit

Gallery Edit